this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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