watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
This baby is an asshole
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
