may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
