did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
