She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
