It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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