If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
