Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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