im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
