I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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