ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
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