How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
