I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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