You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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