You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
