He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
