if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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