My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
