i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
