just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
and you fell through a lawn chair
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
