Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
