Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
last night I used snow as a chaser
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