??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
