I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
