Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
