Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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