ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
