drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
