when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
