I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
