U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I can't turn off my feet"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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