paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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