I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
