are you still at the devil's house?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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