I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
this boner is exhausting
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
