i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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