some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
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