You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
me + whiskey = a bad person
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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