Pants 0. Shit 1.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
