I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
