At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
