I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
