Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
