Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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