Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
