i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
