oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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