WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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