Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
