he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
