Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
There r osticjed everywhere
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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