Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
