i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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