I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
