mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
