Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Randomize
