there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
did you just send me my own nude
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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