Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
